Just something I feel for you
by Winterblazewolf
Summary: A short conversation between Kanda and Lavi.


Kanda watched through glass eyes as the raindrops splattered harshly onto the ground. One drop... two drops... three drops... until it became a steady downpour...

He let out a listless sigh as he tightened his grip around the hilt of Mugen.

"Yuu, what are you doing out here in the rain?" a familiar voice called out though there seemed to be something amiss in its owner's tone; its usual cheery tone was gone, replaced by something akin to emptiness. "You might catch a cold."

"Che, speak for yourself," Kanda replied, trying not to be too bothered about the lack of happiness in the other's voice. He did not care to look at the other Exorcist either, choosing to continue staring into the space in front of him instead. "Don't call me that."

Lavi said nothing and moved to sit beside the Japanese. After knowing the Japanese for such a long time, he was already all too used to the other's cold demeanour.

"What are you doing here?" Lavi repeated as he leant back against the tree, crossing locking his arms behind his head.

"Thinking," Kanda said, knowing it would be futile to avoid the question any longer. The red head was annoyingly persistent.

"Me too," Lavi muttered.

The two sat in silence for a while with Kanda watching the rain and Lavi with his eyes closed as if he were in a peaceful sleep. Kanda would have loved to keep the silence but Lavi broke it nonetheless.

"I like to think in the rain," he mused.

Kanda nodded curtly. Noticing the expectant look on the other Exorcist's face, he sighed. "Me too."

Lavi smiled and closed his eyes again, satisfied that he had gotten an answer out of Kanda. Deciding to push his luck, the red head shot another question which was certainly not going to be answered. Or so he thought.

"What are you thinking about?"

Silence greeted Lavi and he sighed. It was worth a try anyway. Just as he was about to resume his original position, Kanda spoke, surprising him greatly.

"And you?"

Though it was not quite what Lavi had been expecting- he had been expecting silence or perhaps Mugen at his throat and a threat- and neither was it the answer to his question-, he still replied Kanda obligingly.

"You. Me. Allen. Lenalee. The Black Order. Life?" Lavi said. "About everything."

"Oh," Kanda said though he kept the rest of his comment to himself.

"I've never trusted anyone in my life..." Lavi muttered.

Kanda nodded, not wanting to interrupt the other nor be drawn into the conversation lest he said something unlike himself.

"Well, at least until you came along," he said.

Kanda shifted slightly so that he could see the other from the corner of his eyes. Lavi was relaxed with his head resting against his hands and body resting against the tree. His eyes were still closed so Kanda could not tell what exactly it was that lave was feeling.

"I don't know why. You're an arrogant and full of expectations bastard and yet of all people, I trusted you. Maybe it was because I thought that your pride would never allow you to betray someone or maybe it was because your expectations of yourself and others but I never once thought about the possibility of you betraying anyone. Well, unlike me," Lavi continued.

"Have you betrayed anyone then?" Kanda asked before he could stop himself. He started cursing mentally to himself and at himself when the red head started speaking again.

"In a way, yes. To them, I must have, one way or another," Lavi replied, shrugging. "Even though Panda Jiji and I make it very clear that we were not going to stay for a long period of time, there were still people who did not believe us I guess. They expected trust but I didn't. So when I left, they probably felt betrayed."

"Don't you feel guilty?" Kanda asked subconsciously.

"Who wouldn't?" Lavi laughed. "Even someone without a heart like me feels guilty about things like these!"

"There may be some people like that," Kanda said indifferently, shrugging.

"True," Lavi agreed. "But I'm not that terrible and I certainly hope that I would not be."

Kanda shrugged again.

"You expected- no, expect- trust too, don't you?" the red head asked.

Kanda nodded slightly but Lavi saw it anyway.

"Our job is risky. We _have_ to trust our comrades, there isn't a choice," Kanda said rather quickly.

"Yea but you don't _have to expect _it right?" Lavi persisted.

Kanda nodded again.

"But you did, didn't you?"

Another small nod.

"I wasn't supposed to but I did too," Lavi confessed.

The Japanese did not feel surprises nor shocked for some reason. He felt as if he already knew what the other expected out of him. Subconsciously, he had been trying to fulfil them. Because no one else ever made him feel more alive and needed than that annoying ball of happiness, he had been trying to live up to the other's expectations.

"I've been trying to live up to your expectations too," Lavi said. Kanda idly noted the use of 'too' but did not comment. "Somehow, I feel like I have to do it, because I care for you."

The revelation shocked the blue headed Exorcists as much as it shocked himself but both kept their surprise hidden under their well-developed mask and hid behind their ice walls, not letting a single bit of emotion leak. Any cracks were perfectly mended and there was nothing that could seep through.

"We're a weird pair, aren't we?" Lavi asked after a moment of silence.

Kanda nodded and stood up. He started the short walk back to the Black Order.

"Where are you going?" Lavi asked casually, not making any move to leave his spot.

"The cafeteria," he replied without looking back.

After a few more steps, he paused and turned his head back slightly. "Are you coming?"

Lavi grinned and got up and covered the distance between him and the other Exorcist.

"Of course, Yuu, of course."

And for once, Kanda did not seem to mind the usage of his first name.

**End**

This was just a random conversation between Kanda and Lavi that I decided to write. I hope that it wasn't too short and crappy. Reviews are greatly appreciated. :D


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